My Week So Far...

I had an awesome day yesterday!!

I went to uni to for the first day of freshers week and got loads of freebies... gotta love the freebies.
The best part was seeing Petree and Talie, was nice to see people, allow me to connect with the real world again, feels like so long i have been living in some remote world of my own. I really should see people more. Im gonna go to Whitby soon and see Petree, nice to have some intelligent convo ( not been sarcastic Petree!).

Im sat designing some letters for some wall art at the mo, might aswell make some use of all the fabric i have.

I got another client from work today, thats 4 i have now! I also got my dates confirmed for the Homicide training i am going on, 2 weekends staying in a hotel :)

Anyways im off now, Hope your having a good week!

oh woop woop

Yay i went to uni yesterday and picked my modules and everything, i was given a free usb memory stick too. I picked High Risk Offenders as my specialist module, so this year i will be learning Contemporary criminological theory and High risk offenders. Next yr i will be doing Quantitive research methods, Qualitative research methods and Contemporary Criminal Justice and of course my dissertation module.

Spoke to Petree yesterday and the day before which was awesome, that young man should get online more, he is thinking of coming in for the freshers week and we may meet up with Talie for lunch :)

Im currently enjoying a lush Kopperberg Pear Cider is sooooooooooo nice om nom nom.

Anyhooo thats all for now, Bye x

If I Could Tell You....

If I Could Tell You

Time will say nothing but I told you so, Time only knows the price we have to pay; If I could tell you I would let you know. If we should weep when clowns put on their show, If we should stumble when musicians play, Time will say nothing but I told you so. There are no fortunes to be told, although, Because I love you more than I can say, If I could tell you I would let you know. The winds must come from somewhere when they blow, There must be reasons why the leaves decay; Time will say nothing but I told you so. Perhaps the roses really want to grow, The vision seriously intends to stay; If I could tell you I would let you know. Suppose all the lions get up and go, And all the brooks and soldiers run away; Will Time say nothing but I told you so? If I could tell you I would let you know. W.H. Auden

Sleep Deprived

Ok its officially driving me crazy, i havnt slept properly in nearly a week and last night was the worst. I dont know whats going on my mind is all over thinking about random crap nothing even mostly that matters.

I went for a walk tonight to try and clear my head. It was really nice, i walked all around the field and over near the Priory i took some pictures but my phone was dying so i couldnt take many. Sometimes i spend so much time walking around here i forget to open my eyes and see what a nice place i live in, full of history its just so lovely.

I was at work early with a client this morning and did a fair amount of walking about, i have been trying to wear myself out maybe i wasnt doing enough excerise to make me tired.

Just a quick one today only just getting my brain to co-ordinate my hands so i will drop it at a later date:)

Daydreams

We all do it, i love to do it, all my goals, fears, needs and wants, they are all in mine. What do you daydream about?

Here is a little poem for you:)

Daydreams

Whenever i day dream,
and day dream i do,
in my secret garden,
i day dream of you.

I day dream of you,
in a far away land,
embracing me tight,
and holding my hand.

Holding my hand,
and touching my face,
just you and me,
in this peaceful place.

In this peaceful place,
a pristine river flows,
where the unicorns run,
and a breeze always blows,

A breeze always blows,
and sings of a song,
our love in a place,
where your never gone.

Where your never gone,
as it would seem,
from dusk until dawn,
whenever i day dream.

And whenever i day dream,
and day dream i do,
in my secret garden,
i day dream of you.

Sands of Time

The sweet kiss of the sun,
A golden glimpse of temptation,
Rays reflecting your beauty,
A mirage across my mind.

Burning hot with desire,
Watching the sands of time,
Rushing over me like a wave,
Will you ever be mine.

The moonlit glow across the sea,
The tide moving in and out,
Sandcastles like memories washing away,
Fading like our romance.

by Me!

Checking in.....

I thought it was about time i checked in. I had an ok weekend, finally got my acceptence letter from uni, i also got a phone call off them today saying my induction is next week woop, bascially that means my first class, not sure when i am suppose to enrol though but i did get an email about online registration maybe that has something to do with it. I will probably get a letter or something off them about it if not i will call them.

Im a litle discombobulated about some things but i need to figure them out before i write it down otherwise it will end up in some vague rant or something.

ohh i sorted all my clothes out and threw out loads and even 3 pairs of shoes.. a record for me lol.

I am watching a prog at the mo called Lost Land of the Volcano, some of the animals look amazing Birds of Paradise are so pretty but ewwww at some of the insects, i bet there are a million huge spiders /puke

off to watch some more :O

Bye x

Out with the Old...

So, as part of my new fresh beginning i have been making plans for tomorrow. I have my 2 wonderful children with me and we are doing some sorting out. Yes i know sounds fun huh!?! well both of them love it when they get to nosey through my things as i sort stuff out. Tomorrow we are doing my wardrobes and yes i am going to get rid of those clothes i never wear.

I was reading something today and maybe i will make some customised cushions from some of them or something. I have way too many clothes, i have 2 huge double wardrobes full and 6 drawers and i still have piles all over so its definatly time for a big clean out. Once they are sorted i should have loads free room so i can finally start sorting some of the other stuff out, i seriously need to get some storage i plan to have a nice minimalist ( within reason) bedroom full of all my fav things.

Starting uni again and doing all the work i do i feel like im starting to hit the right track i just need some other area's to come together. I am full of purpose and determination... so look out world here i come!!

and the best part is.. all this without a man! woop!

omg woot!

Yay i heard from Uni today, i have been accepted onto the Criminology Masters. They said they will be sending out an official offer of a place in the mail for me to recieve in the next few days. I cant wait!!! Im determind not to mess this up and put everything into it.

I am also applying for a job with the probation service as a volunteer mentor, its not paid bt it may get me on the inside and if not well its still something i am really wanting to do.

Thats it for now, see u later:)

A Wish from me...

I wish i could just start again, somewhere new, somewhere exciting, full of promise and new adventure. If you could make your life better by leaving the place you hate, can you create a new you in the process. People always say, you can never change, you cant hide who you are... but what if you are who you are because of where you are.

I believe that a change especially one such as moving to a new city or country can help you change inside, allow you to become that person you want to be but are trapped within the confines of the reality you live within.

So.. the question is how do you do it, how do you make that change?. You have no job, no savings, no money, no friends or relatives to stay with and finally no idea about how to settle into the place you want to live in, assuming you have found that place you want to go. I think this is the reason people dont try to create themselves a new life, its hard work and it might not work, is it better to sacrifice that life we are not so happy with with to find the thing we may need and take the risk even though it may not work, or... do we just muddle along with the mediocre life we currently live in.

I actually have been thinking about this for some time now i feel like i need to start over somewhere new, fresh and exciting. I have no idea how to go about doing this and now it would have to be somewhere within daily travel to and from Uni easily, that is of course if i actually get accepted onto my masters which i will find out about hopefully this week.

So anyway thats my thoughts for today, if anyone has any fabulous idea's just let me know hehe!!

Bye xx

Just thinking...

Do you ever wonder why we do the things we do?

I mean take for example relationships, we are never satisfied without one, there is always something missing, something which we naturally crave yet when we have the relationship we have been craving all we do is complain or think about what else we are lacking.

Is it the case that as soon as one area of your life slots into place another rears its ugly head for needing attention?. We tend to torture ourselves in relationships that dont give us what we need, ignore those bad habits, annoyances and issues we have with our so called loved ones, why do we put up with it?, are we afraid to let go because of what may happen without that person or are we so blinded by love we cant see it for what it truely is?.

I like many other spent so much time analysing my relationship when i was having one i wonder if i ever really got to experience it, and i spent so much time been angry with him for the way he was treating me and the things he did but i often wonder now was my anger mis-directed, was i really angry with myself for allowing him to treat me that way, by not standing my ground with certain things was i just giving in to him and his bahaviour, in a silent way of saying its ok to do that?

I am happier now we are not together compared to how i felt when we were together, yet i miss him a lot it seems though that enough was enough for me and the line was crossed on how much i was willing to take and sacrifice for him and for us.

When that line is crossed and you step back a little, you start to see things without those loved -up rose coloured spectacles. Once you start seeing it for what it was that bitterness that takes hold during the relationship soothes away like a floating breeze in autumn and all it leaves behind is the imprint of a scar in our heart like a wet leaf on the pavement below us.

Lazy Sunday...

I didnt do much yesterday, just chilled with the kids, watched some dvd's and the X-Factor which was hilarious with this one guy Fouad.
I dont have much planned for today either, have some washing to dry ready for my ironing day tomorrow yay /cry. Think i may watch some more sex and the city, im halfway through series 3 at the mo.

I am hoping i hear from the uni tomorrow, enrolment is on Tues and Thurs this week and i dont want to miss it, maybe i can con some of my friends into meeting me there and we can get some freebies from the stalls for freshers week.. we looove freshers week.

I have a fairly busy week this week, got a few meetings and clients to see and stuff, would prefer that than not having anything to do.

Anyway toodles for now :)

/yawn

Oh man what a miserable day, so much rain its felt constant all day. Adam wasnt well and was sick, me and Chloe also dont feel so well and im really tired. I was reading about that incident with the 2 boys who tried to kill another 2 boys in Edlington (sp) it nearly made me throw up reading what they did to them.. sick little boys really. I would rant about other stuff too but im too tired and cant be bothered right now hehe.

Have a good night, im going to slack and watch Big Bro 9 final haha!

Fear

Fear

I fear that i do not know,
That which i cannot control.
If i knew which way to go,
Which way forward to turn.

One step forward holding tight,
The memories from that dark night,
Sweat running down my back,
The smile fading about to crack.

Unknown is the day about to break,
Unrealistic dreams, all unfullfilled,
A chance, a risk, everyday,
Adrenaline pumping through my veins.

For what i fear, i do not know.

by Me!

Yummy!

Tired...

Hey :)

Today has been so tiring, still waking up way too early then hitting about 3pm and wanting to go to sleep dunno whats going on. Have been out and about in town with the kids today and the rain.. lots of rain my jeans were wet to my knees lol.

I have finally finished reading the booklet for criminal injuries compensation so after my 1 hour long test thing next week i will be able to help people with all that properly. I am hoping to hear from the uni by the end of the week. I spoke to them yesterday and finally my app had got to the right department i hope i get on the course, although i will try for the law masters if i dont get on the criminology one, i do better with law too, thats the only thing i received a 1st in for my degree, career wise though it should be criminology.

Anyways im going to go chill on the sofa i just made a chicken roast dinner yummy! om nom nom

May drop in again later, Bye :)

What Now...

I have woke feeling restless. Although i slept really well i woke at 6am again and couldnt sleep afterwards. I feel like i need to be doing something more but i am just not sure what, maybe i should start sorting out all the stuff on top of my warbrobes that i havnt really unpacked since i moved in. I am starting to wonder if the old saying of a messy room will lead to a messy life... maybe if i sort everything out and start making sure i stay on top of things then i will feel better and more in control of what i am doing myself.

I think i need some boxes though if i am going to start sorting stuff out, i have no idea where you get them from these days now all the shops recycle they dont let you have them and i refuse to pay loads money for them from Argos :D Maybe i should wait till i get paid then buy myself some storage units instead hmmm.....

I spoke to the university yesterday they are still processing my application, im so impatient i think i will ring them again tomorrow if i have not heard from them, i feel a little like my life is on hold until i know.

Im going off to watch some tv, hope you have a nice day :)

The Kids and Random pics from my Apartment

Marvin the cow bought by Emil when we first started dating
My peace flag above my bed:P
My chinese calender

My Einstein Poster

Chloe and Adam
Chloe

My room before and after

Some before and aftershots of my room :)

Autumn......

It has been a lovely day today. I spent some time on my balacony watching the wind blow the trees, soft brown leaves falling to the floor, a sure sign autumn is approaching. The breeze was warm and the clouds were grey, hiding behind them a peeking sunshine. This is one of my favorite times of year, the dark nights creeping in ready for winter and chritmas. There is nothing better than sitting with a hot chocolate while watching the gusts outside and the stars sparkle when your on your way home from work or wherever. The other nice thing about Autmun is it reminds me of uni, starting a new fresh year with some much enthusiasm, sitting the the huge library while its getting dark outside, giggling with friends, having fun and enjoying the quiet streets.

I love Autumn, the old trees shredding their old leaves ready to start afresh :)

I had my 3 mth review, it went really well. Hopefully i will be attending the homicide course in October. I am also recieving some criminal injuries compensations training next weekk too woop.

Hope you had a nice day :)

Oh My God!

So I have finally finished my room, i will take some piccies and upload them later, so glad its all done and over with and omg i love it!

I have been reading about the Lockerbie bomber release today, The Scottish Government should all be shot, what a pathetic thing to do.. that guy didnt show any frikking compassion when deciding to kill all those people. This is why Scotland should still be under Englands Reign they obviously cant make a good decision between them all. I was reading how the bomber is backing an inquiry into it all, well doh.. of course he will, he will be dead and it will be pointless by the time anything comes from it. We all know these things take years and years.

People may think i am a little harsh but i have strong beliefs and i truely do believe he should be locked up, preferably he should have been sentenced to capital punishment but no apparently we dont need it...so its not even a possibility. The guy killed hundreds of people, serves 8 years and gets released on compassionate grounds... really really disgusted. Nice precendent to set too.. wonder how many other murderers who are terminally ill will start appealing now?

Arnt we suppose to make society a safer place to live, without fear and hate. The world is bad enough without letting people like this out of prison and have a free life.

/rant off!

Anyway.. i have my 3 mth review today hope it goes well woop woop!
I should also here from the Uni to see if i got onto my masters course this week.

See u later:)